It's The Russian Baby Exchange!!!

Have you seen the story about the Russian boy who was recently sent back by his adoptive mother?

It's really just terrible.  It's so sad it didn't work out.

Last September, seven-year-old Artyom Savelyev arrived in America eager to meet his new family.  He was adopted by a 33-year-old nurse named Torry Hansen.  She is single and already has a child.  Between last September and last Thursday apparently enough happened for Hansen to return the child to his home country.

That is truly sad.  With so many children looking for homes and so many deserving parents who can't conceive but still want children, it is quite upsetting to see an adoption not work out.  It really is sad once you think about it.

Oh wait...I didn't tell you about the truly sad part of this all.

This was all discovered when the seven-year-old showed up in a Moscow airport carrying only a note.

That's right.  Torry Hansen got fed up with her adopted child and simply sent him back like he's some sort of shitty Christmas present.  And she even had the audacity to attach a note.

Let's go ahead and go over everything that's wrong here.

After seven months of adoption, Hansen has already decided that she needn't raise the child any longer.  But surely she can exchange him for some kind of refund.

Listen up, you dumb-ass country bumpkin.  Even Sears won't take something back after three months.  You can't up and decide, "Oh well, I'm done with him.  Time to get a refund start the application to get an Asian baby in time for Fashion Week.  I hear they're back in style now.  Just look at Angelina."

And inscribed to the note attached to the child (not entirely sure if the note was attached to the boy or actually given to him to give to some other adult...either way is just as bad, it's just the former is much more hilarious) was a claim that the child was "mentally unstable" and made threats and screamed and cried.

Let me ask you something.  How is this different from being the parent of a newborn?  This is what you signed up for Torry.  Honestly, newborns scream and cry all the time.  And they don't have to speak to be able to threaten you.  "Daddy, if you don't hold me perfectly, I will cry all night, and mommy will be too stressed to give you any.  We have a deal?"

It's part of being a parent.  At some point in every kid's life, he/she is a shithead.  It's called rebellion.  It's part of growing up, but it sucks from your point of view.  You just have to get through it.

Plus, you're already a single parent of one.  Do you need that much more responsibility?

And then there's your adaptation of the child return policy.  Again, if you showed up at a Sears with a lawnmower you bought seven months before and left it on the front door, they will not take it back.  What makes you think this will work with a child?  It's not like getting someone else's mail.  There is no "Return To Sender" option when it is a living, breathing human being.

And you sent a seven-year-old overseas alone with a note attached to him.  After all, we all know nothing goes wrong on an airplane.  And seven-year-old boys just wandering through airports ALWAYS make it out safely.  Pedophiles don't exist.  Sure.

And where did you find this guy you paid $200 to pick up this boy from the airport?  Craigslist?  I hope that the child you originally had is taken away from you.  You are the worst kind of person.  It makes me sick to think that you were even awarded the privilege of child ownership, which you simply spat on.

I've joked that this isn't Sears, but surely there is some sort of process you can go through to give the boy back if you realize you are unable to properly take on this added responsibility.  At the very least, you can put him up for adoption.  They don't have a problem with the actual mother of the child doing it, so I'm sure it's cool if there's no blood relation.

This isn't the 1920s anymore.  You don't leave a kid on a doorstep with a note.  I hope you are thrown in the deepest depths of prison where every inmate is severely sodomized.