Can I Get A Side Of Dippin' Mayo?

What have you done, Colonel Sanders?

In a day in age when America is coming under fire for being the fattest country in the nation, many restaurants and fast food chains began advertising low-calorie menus aimed at helping active people lose weight.

Subway struck gold when Jared Fogle lost enough weight to create an entire new person.  A big one at that.  He credited all of his weight loss to eating almost exclusively at Subway, coupled with light exercise.

When Americans saw the before and after pictures of Jared (above), we saw a way to easily lose weight, something everybody wants to do, but nobody wants to work for.  Then more and more commercials.  There were others that got Jared's diet to work for them!  And lots of them at that.

Subway created a new way of eating that most Americans are unfamiliar with: healthy eating.  And if other fast food chains want to keep up, they've got to start offering healthy food too.

Other fast food chains have even followed suit.  Almost every major fast food chain added a variety of salads to their menus.  Granted, Wendy's offered one salad that was topped with chili, but it's not their only choice.

And even Taco Bell has a diet menu!  If the inventors of the "Cheesy Gordita Crunch" can bring you a taco under five grams of fat, surely you can.  Everybody got healthy do adapt to this changing climate.  We're going to get this nation in better shape!!

Keep in mind that the "we" in the previous sentence includes everybody but Kentucky Fried Chicken.

It's become unmistakably clear to me that if this country as a whole gets healthy and into shape, the first thing to go will be Kentucky Fried Chicken.  This is the company that countered Subway's "Fresh-Fit Subs with six grams of fat or less" with the "KFC Famous Bowl," an artery clogging mix-up of fried chicken and gravy that comes in at just 100 mg under the recommended daily sodium intake and half (32g) the recommended daily fat intake (recommendations courtesy of Netrition.com).

What's worse?  America loved these things.  They went faster than a fat kid eating...well...a bowl of mixed KFC stuff.  While many Americans started eating along healthier guidelines, apparently those who didn't headed over to Colonel Sanders' place for some fried cholesterol.

America loved them so much that KFC decided they needed to take it a step further:

And for the record, here's what it looks like when it's not in a KFC commercial.

Here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the poster child for coronaries, the KFC Double Down!!!  Don't adjust your monitor.  You are seeing these disgusting creations correctly.  KFC decided to not go the traditional route and use bread, but rather two fried chicken breasts.

Now that's cutting edge.

The "sandwich" ingredients, you ask?  Two slices of bacon, two slices of cheese, and some new KFC original sauce (likely heavily mayonnaise-packed).

Now THAT's cutting off the flow of blood to the heart.

Again, good Colonel, what have you done?  Deep-fried Snickers are on the healthy side of this (and likely awesomely delicious).  Nutritionists would likely rather you eat a fried Twinkie wrapped with bacon.  Are you just laughing at what you can be legally allowed to serve the American public?

I remember when the thought of this was just a joke.



Unfortunately this has become a cruel reality.

Heart disease now has a spokesperson to help stop the hearts of America, and it comes with fried chicken instead of bread.  It's like when Michael Jordan handed out Nikes or when Dan Marino shlepped Isotoners.  Now this heart-attack-in-a-box is making America want more.  Just remember, if you find yourself wanting to indulge in unhealthiness at its worst, once again, this is what it looks like in real life: