Four Score And Seven Days Ago...

 
That's right little guy, it's finally over.

In a press release, British Petroleum announced that at 2:25 CDT this afternoon, the Gulf Coast oil spill had been successfully capped following the sealing of the final three valves.  If we believe what these oil tycoons tell us (which they've given us absolutely no reason to do), the relief well is in place, and no oil is leaking into the Gulf of Mexico.

Image Courtesy of NASA


I'm so glad they finally got around to getting this thing fixed.  After all, with 2.5 million of gallons of oil leaking into the Gulf every day, one would figure they would try to get this done as quickly as possible.  Let's do the math: 87 days at 2.5 million gallons per day...so 217.5 MILLION gallons of oil are either floating in the Gulf, resting on the coast, or sitting in a HAZ-MAT bag.

I mean look at the picture above.  Now, note that the white spots are clouds.  But all of that gray is oil. THERE IS OIL EVERYWHERE.  Take a look at exactly how big this spill is here. If the oil spill somehow originated here (Huntsville, AL for you out-of-town readers; and this is hypothetical, so stay with me...) it would currently cover Little Rock, Memphis, and Nashville.  And with the predictions scientists are making in regards to what the Gulf Stream will do to the oil's path, Atlanta, Knoxville, and the entire state of South Carolina are next.

Now many would say "Tim, the leak is finally capped.  Why must you continue to complain?  They even finished a month ahead of schedule!"  Just because this problem is fixed does NOT mean it didn't happen.

The Gulf Coast economy is crippled to the point it may not recover.  Tell the residents of Gulf Shores, AL how much better it is now that the leak is capped.

Jimmy Buffett can't host a free concert every weekend.  That being the case, there is nothing that makes people want to visit the oil-stained beaches of the Gulf Coast.  "Hey kids, you want to go watch baby sea turtles die?"  "Shit no, dad.  That's pretty messed up.  Are you trying to raise serial killers?  I'd rather watch you and mom have sex."

What exactly can people advertise about the Gulf?  "Come to Destin, Florida.  We're not as greasy as that damn Gulf Shores!" or maybe, "Come to Orange Beach!  Our wildlife washes up dead so you don't have to watch them struggle on the shore for breath and life...and lose."

While most of the country views the area as simply a vacation destination, there are thousands of people in the affected region whose very livelihoods are rocked as a result of this spill.  Guess what restaurant owners along the Gulf are doing...crying themselves to sleep because the business they've worked their whole lives to create and maintain has been taken out in one fell swoop by money-pinching Limeys that would rather spend their money on their yacht than the oil spill (I hope you DIE, Tony Hayward (on his yacht below)).

As I've had time to think about the whole situation, I actually remain angry at Tony Hayward for only one thing.  On his yachting trip and turning over of control over the oil spill, Hayward simply said, "I want my life back."  There are jobless Gulf Coast fishermen, restaurant owners, and real estate agents who want their lives back as well.  Except their lives consisted of working and making money, not sailing the open seas in a yacht so insignificant to you that you named it "Bob".  As U.S. Senator Richard Shelby (R-AL) so very aptly put it, Hayward's actions are "the height of arrogance."

But other than that, thank you for leaving, Tony Hayward.  Seriously, thank you.  You spent almost two months leading all people actually concerned for the Gulf in one huge circle jerk.  You peed in an entire region's mouth and told everyone it was chocolate.  But you step down from your "responsibilities" as the head of clean up efforts.  A little more than a month later, the well is sealed.  An incessantly masturbating baboon would do ten times better than Tony Hayward.

But apparently nobody that's employed by British Petroleum can do anything spill-related without putting their feet in their mouths and the shooting themselves in the foot.  Take British Petroleum rep Randy Prescott, who averted the fears of seafood lovers, saying, "Louisiana isn't the only place that has shrimp."

Well, apparently it's also true that Tony Hayward isn't the only one with elitist bullshit coming out of his mouth.  You forget to realize Louisiana is one of the only places that is hemorrhaging jobs, specifically shrimp fishermen.  You also forget that our current economy isn't what professional economists refer to in the financial as "good" (sorry to get all jargon-y with you).  These people are losing their jobs, and nobody's hiring.  But there is still shrimp.

I've said this before, and I'll say it again: at what point does the U.S. Government get to put BP on trial for criminal negligence.  As Hayward sat around with your thumb up your ass watching yachting on Tivo (who the hell watches competitive sailing?), the ecosystem of the Gulf Coast slowly began to wither away.

You are evil, evil men who are concerned only with public image (which is surprising, since you've dragged yours through a pile of shit) and not with actual results.  I hope Hayward's yacht wrecks and kills ten people.  Then he can go to prison and get gang-raped.  I don't know if they get Oz over in Britain, but I wish that treatment on them more than anything in the world.  If there's one thing these men deserve, it's at least ten years of ankle-grabbing.

But I digress, the leak is capped.  No more is entering the Gulf, and we do need to be grateful.  But with all this excitement over the oil spill being capped, keep in mind, it is still in the testing phase.  It's hard to say, because this isn't a Hayward-led effort (in which case they would most certainly be blowing smoke up our asses), but I think they're shooting us straight.

Hopefully it's time to quit worrying about the spill itself and focus our efforts on attempting to rescue coastal ecosystems, no matter how futile our efforts may be.  If you have the opportunity, please do what you can to aid in the Gulf Coast cleanup.

Here are my other BP Oil Spill-related postings:

Not At All A Slick Move...
Apparently BP Doesn't Read My Blog...